Browns Dawg House

I haven’t updated this blog in awhile;  honestly, things were just so depressing that I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I could spend a few paragraphs updating everyone on how Brady broke his finger, how DA got hurt, how Dorsey hurt his rib, the last loss to Pittsburgh, or heck, I could even write about how Shaun Smith punched Brady in the face.  Yeah, I could write about those stories – but you already know them and lets be honest – you don’t want to hear them again.  Instead, today, I will tell you about the Cincinnati game.

You must think I am insane to even bring up such a meaningless game (that we lost anyway).   I have good reason, believe me…

A couple weeks before Christmas I was informed by Emily that her mom got me “a very thoughtful” gift and I needed to put some serious thought into what I would get her.  Unfortunately, Mrs. Hamburg is a lot like my mother – impossible to predict what she wants.  I thought about it for awhile and could not come up with anything; I turned to Emily.  Of course she had no idea either, her mom is, after all, impossible to shop for.  At this point I figured I should ask my mom what to get her – she suggested a book on Obama.  I quickly purchased the book and felt good about it.  I left to visit my sister in Chicago the next day.

I returned from Chicago on Sunday morning, right before the game.  My parents were still in Chicago so we got their club tickets and I gave mine to my friend Rich and his brother Brian.  They don’t get to go to the stadium much so I think they appreciated seeing a game – even if it was freezing cold and meant nothing.

Emily picked me up at the airport and we began to drive back to my place so I could get my Browns gear.  On the ride home she told me that I had to open her mother’s gift to me before we went down to the game.  I was completely dumbfounded as to what it could be.

Once we got home I brought the large box into the kitchen and placed it on the counter.  It was a regular brown box – not giving any hint as to where it came from or what it contained.  Before I was allowed to begin opening the gift Emily had to get her mom on speaker phone so she could her my reaction.  At this point I was really wondering what it was, but remained calm.

I got the signal from Emily and began to cut open the box.  I used grandma Shields precision while opening the box – I carefully cut the tape so cleanly that it could be used again .  As I pulled the flaps open I was overwhelmed with a brightness…it was glowing orange (that is how I remember it anyway).  I quickly lifted the felt fabric from the box and held it high – I immediately knew what it was.

It was every grown man’s dream (Clevelander anyway)!  Apparently Santa Claus needed another helper in the Cleveland area and commissioned Mrs. Hamburg to make me a suit.  What made this suit so special is that it was not just any suit – it was a Cleveland Browns Santa Suit.  I immediately got changed into it, making sure that all my accessories were in order – my hair, beard, and glasses were all perfectly aligned.  It was glorious and hilarious all at the same time.  Rich and Brian came by to drive down and were in awe at the sight.

As we drove down to the stadium I felt this wave of responsibility come over me.  I was working for Santa Claus today – This was serious business…I had a reputation to hold up.  As we walked to the stadium I found myself yelling “Merry Christmas” and “Ho Ho Ho” to the best of my ability.  I got a few happy responses and people seemed to enjoy it.  Watching the kids reactions to Santa Claus was the best hands down.  Their eyes would widen and they would get so excited that they couldn’t even move.  As I would pass by I would hear their parents say “Look, even Santa Claus is a Browns fan.”

Emily and I tried to sit in our seats once we got into the stadium.  There was a problem though – it was cold outside, the game meant nothing, and I had a suit to show off.  We made our way back inside to the club area.  We walked in circles around the area – groups of women would take their picture with me and I would shout Merry Christmas on occasion.  Something I did notice as we walked around is the amount of respect that Santa Claus gets.  Usually at Browns games you need to lower your shoulder like as though you are Jim Brown and try to push through people to get where you needed to go.  Things were a lot different with the suit – people would say excuse me, and get out of my way.  Grown men would ask me for a win for Christmas.  Sadly, even Santa Claus can’t control such things – he specializes mostly in toys and ponies.

As we walked around we came across this one boy.  He must have been about 4 years old.  He stood as tall as he could and looked straight up at me.  He was in such shock he could not move.  I simply smiled at him and said Merry Christmas as I walked by.  As Emily and I rounded the club section again we came across the same little boy, again I smiled and walked by.  A couple minutes later I felt this tug on my pants.  Sure enough this little guy tracked us down (with mom’s help).  I knelt down to hear him ask, “Can I get a picture with you Santa Claus?”  As we were taking the picture I passed on my information I received from the boss in the north pole: All good boys are Cleveland Browns fans.  Before parting ways, I made sure to get his wish list and passed it a long to the boss.

Looking back at that game, I have to say it is among my top 5 most memoriable Browns games.  Sure, I will be working for Santa Claus again next year, but there is something about that first day on the job that makes it so special.  It won’t be to long before I forget about the actual game played that day, but I will remember opening that box and that little boy for the rest of my life.

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Something very unusual happened going into this past weekend – Emily and I both had some free time.  This is unusual for us because she is in medical school and I am a graduate student…odds are one of us has a project or a test that just can not wait.  Not this weekend; this weekend we referred to ourselves as ‘normal people’.  We could actually do typical normal people stuff over the weekend – run a few errands, clean up a little, and, of course, watch the Browns.

So what errands were we running exactly?  Well, in short – the fun kind.  Here is a little history for you:

I had an idea last year to dress up in a Cleveland Browns Santa outfit for some of the games late last season.  I quickly found out that one could not buy an orange Santa Claus outfit – they simply did not exist.  If I wanted to be the Browns Santa I was going to have to make it myself…

So we planned on going out and buying the material to make a Santa outfit.  As we were talking about it Emily wondered how she would dress up – then it came to us…the Browns Brownie.

We stopped in Jo-Ann Fabrics at Warrensville Center and got most of the things we needed – bright orange felt for the shoes, black and white felt for the belt, and of course, some flesh color felt for the elf ears!  We then dropped by Target and picked up a stripped undershirt and also an orange top to finish out the outfit…or so we thought.  My mom called us from the stadium (where she was dropping off some tickets for will call); she had bought Emily the perfect striped Browns hat.

When we got home Emily and my mom worked hard on making the outfit look amazing while I got things ready for our Sunday tailgating.  This was only our second attempt at tailgating, but we were better prepared this time – I bought a 15 dollar char coal grill and a big container of lighter fluid.  We bought some burgers and hot dogs to cook up as well.  Emily’s friends were bringing some chips and such – it was a team effort.

The last time we tailgated I got a whole bunch crap for not having Bud or Bud Light available by some fellow tailgaters.  I would not make this mistake again, so in addition to my Heineken Light, I bought a case of Bud Light.

On Sunday morning we got up extra early and Emily put on her costume – she looked just like the Browns Brownie…it was crazy!  On our way over to pick up Emily’s friends we realized we didn’t have a lighter for the grill – we had to stop in Dave’s.  Let me tell you: whether you are dressed like an elf, or walking next to someone dressed like an elf you command…attention.  Everyone looked at Emily and would give one of a few responses: confusion (non Browns fans), approval (die hards), or laughter (somewhere in between).

Tailgating this time really was a whole new experience for us.  It was a lot of fun to just hang out and throw around a football for a few hours.  I was nervous at first because we really were just winging it – my parents never really tailgated, so I didn’t have any personal experience to work off of.  I was just trying to imitate what I would see as we walked by the Munni Lot to the stadium.

As we walked by my parents would say things like, “that is where the crazy fans are before the game…getting ready.”  I remember as a child I always wanted to be one of those crazy fans, which is funny if you know me because it is completely against my nature.  It wasn’t until I got much older that I understood ‘getting ready’ meant drinking like crazy…

That being said, I think we did a great job.  We had our grill, a fold out table, a table cloth, a football, beer, char coal, and lighter fluid.  I had no idea how popular we would become because of our lighter fluid.  There were at least a couple people that came by begging for some.  Oh course, we were happy to share.  There was also another fellow who came by in need of buns.  He insisted on paying, but I told him I couldn’t take money from a Browns fan.  He finally agreed and just took the buns…only to return a couple minutes later with two bud lights as payment.  Great…I started with 12 bud lights on the day and now I had 14.  I had no idea that bud  light is an accepted currency while tailgating – I guess I did learn something on Sunday.

The game itself was typical DA…inconsistent.  We came out flat…down 10-0 before we even knew the game started.  People were falling asleep – we had all seen this show before…we knew how it ended.  Cribbs, though, was not so fast to concede the lose.  Following a Raven’s touchdown he returned the kickoff 90 some yards for a touchdown.  Let me tell you – that woke us all up.

The Browns were alive again.  They began to move the ball well and started to stop this rookie Joe Flacco.  We managed to get a 14 point lead heading into the forth quarter.  It was at this point a guy on the field started to point at us.  I was initially thinking we were in trouble…

I had gotten into a little verbal altercation with the people behind us during the third quarter.  I was saying something to Emily and he said, “Hey Kosar, your wrong!” (Ok, so I am paraphrasing it a little to keep things clean).  I immediately turned to him and told him he could say whatever he wanted to about ‘Rob’, but do not bring Kosar into this – he is, after all, King.  I don’t like fighting with our Browns fans, but I will defend Kosar at all costs.  I quickly won the battle (even his friends admitted it)…

The guy kept pointing.  Then, he picked up his camera.  I got it.  I picked up my sign and was waiving it all around.  Emily and I looked over at the big screen and saw in big bright letters, “THIS YEAR.”  It was amazing.

The sad thing is that none of this mattered.  In the forth quarter we blew the lead.  The loss was solidified by a late pick-6 thrown by DA.  The crowd instantly starting chanting for Brady.  I felt horrible for DA.  Emily and I didn’t cheer.  (More on DA/Quinn in my next post).  It wasn’t DA’s fault – it was a team loss.  BE had a dropped pass that would have been a 50 yard gain, the defense missed a lot of tackles, a lot of things went wrong before that interception.

I am putting this last part in here out of order because of its importance, so bear with me…

After packing up the car we began our walk to the stadium.  Emily was doing her best impression of a ‘mascot walk’ and I was holding our sign high and proud.  Again people would look at Emily, but since most of them were ‘now ready’ instead of smiling they would shout things like “Hey its the Brownie!” or “Come over here!”.  What struck me the most though is when other couples looked at us.  I could see a sense of jealousy in the eyes of the other men and a look of disbelief in most of the woman’s.  I overheard one guy say “That is awesome” only to have his girlfriend reply, “That is intense.”  At this point I felt such a sense of pride for Emily.  At this time a couple years ago she was not a Browns fan.  Heck, she wasn’t even a football fan.  But now, she had spent her entire weekend preparing for a game, tailgating for the game, watching the game.  She became a Brownie, she became Brown.

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Maybe it was because I was lucky to score a single point over the course of a few games, maybe it was because my friends named my style of “shooting” as a “Rob Shot” (who doesn’t take a hook shot from the NBA 3 point line when they are 12?), or maybe it was because I was half the size of the other players on the court – but one thing was obvious to me from 6th grade at Gesu. I was certain that I was meant to be a fan, not an athlete.

In grade school it was clear who the good/amazing athletes were – they dominated everything. Once I got to Ignatius, it appeared that things kind of evened out, and only a select few stood out as great players. One of those players was Tony Gonzalez… he played cornerback and wide receiver for the Wildcats, and performed both jobs well. I was certain he would be a great player. (He eventually went on to play for the Colts – I wish I liked his coach, but that is a different story.)

Once I left for UC (Cincinnati) I started to follow college football more. There are so many schools and so many athletes, but ultimately only a select few are honored with a nomination for the Heisman Trophy. Think about that – there are thousands of players and only a handful are considered to be the best… these guys have to be really amazing to stand out.

6’4, 360 Lbs, and a Mr. T Mohawk: Shaun Rogers stands out just about anywhere. Every time we see him Emily tells me how scary he looks – I will admit he is on the second half of my “People who I want to upset” list. Last Sunday, he stood out amongst other professionals – it was quickly apparent he was playing at a different level. We had Good DA, Edwards with some tape on his hands, and Jamal running with a fresh oil change, but none of them compared to what Rogers willed his body to do on Sunday.

I typically don’t like to point out one guy as the game changer because I realize that the entire team causes a victory. He had 9 solo tackles, a sack, a few hurries, and a FG block. That being said, there are only a few certainities in life: 1) There is a God . 2) I am not him. 3) Shaun Rogers is why we won against the Jaguars.

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